Thursday, October 10, 2002


Today at work, the shipper and reciver, Mark mentioned to me in passing conversation if I was looking for an apartment... I nodded, he told me the details. $650.00 a month, all inclusive! That's a steal, especially in town. It means I can get to work fairly cheaply and be on my own again. Now here's the catch. I make $900.00 a month, which leaves me, after rent is taken away with approximatly $250.00. My boyfriend, William has stated he'd help me out where he could and he'd front $300.00 on the spot to pay for first and last rent when I move it. The place is ready on November 1st, which is less than 2 weeks away. Its a good thing too because my rent for my storage facility runs out in November. Its also a good thing because it means my baby Jack Russel Molly will be able to sleep with me in the house again, as well as my cat Kanga who my Father's been nagging at me to come and get from his place. Anyway, I've wandered slightly off track here again...

So how does a minimum wage girl make it on her own? With only $250.00 a month to clothe and feed her? Fucked if I know... But I won't complain... I mean I COULD do it, couldn't I? Ya'll know I live with my parents and the barrage of extra's, but sometimes it gets tight and we bump heads, I mean you're bound to with so many living in close quarters. This new place means freedom in a way, William can sleep over night, I can play my music loud, I can get cable TV and watch it from the comfort of my own bed... But all for a price, a good price none the less, but a price. There isn't much that I have complaint's about right now mind you. I like living with my parents, but at the same time I'm 21, this was ONLY supposed to be temporary in the first place, I feel like I'm being a burden. My brother and sister are cramped in the small room next to me, this means now that they can EACH have thier own rooms, with a growing boy he'll need the space really. Anywho, whatcha think? Good? I just have to come up with first and last. That shouldn't be all to hard, William is giving me $300, plus I get a pay in just before November 1st, which should be around $450.00, I just need $550 more. Maybe I can ask my Aunt or Dad for the remainder. Hmmm... I'm kind of excited!

Things are okay today, there are a few people at work that really piss me off, but now I just smile hugely at them and act as bubbly and annoying as I can, just to rub it in. They can fuck themselves! I refuse to bow down anymore, in any sort of way. I'll just continue to act as stupid and self absorbed as I can. I bought catfish yesterday at Wal-Mart, they're cute and surprisingly enough they are still alive... Hatori, Sly and Sakura are they're names. They're about an inch at the moment, silver with black markings and HUGE long white whiskers. Swim, swim, swim my little friends. I'm listening to Nick Cave again, he mellows me out and the tension just drains, currently I'm singing at the top of my voice to "Into my arms" can we say, "Mmmmm?".

Tomorrow morning William is coming bright and early for me aparently, we're going to look at my stuff in storage, pull a few winter coats out for myself and stuff, I didn't expect to be staying here so long and only brought T-shirts, shorts and skirts. I'm freezing my tits off, October's come in fast and cold. Have I mentioned how much I love autumn already?

Reminders! God I have so many things I have to do...
Get drivers licence, get some kind of Photo ID (I keep getting carded, it's embarassing.), Get my cavities filled, get my glasses because I'm as blind as a bat. I'm sure I'll get to these things eventually, like fuck I've only been putting it off for 2 and a half years now. *sigh* I'm a procrastinator, it's gotten slightly better over the past few years though, I think anyway. And by the way... NEVER eat the POUTINE from McDonalds, I have the WORST cramps ever, I swear there is an alien going to bust out of my guts at any given moment now... *SPLUT* ....Oops, did I get any on ya?

Well I'm going to call my father, see what he thinks about the whole apartment thing...

Monday, October 07, 2002

Okay, so I havn't updated my online journal in sometime... Forgive me, I've been busy in more ways than one.

William, the guy I spoke of earlier, 31, two kids, almost divorced. Well it's been 2 months now and we've been seeing eachother exclusivly. He's taken me to Niagra falls, movies, dinner... All that romantic stuff. It's been great, to great actually... I'm starting to worry. I mean, there must be SOMETHING wrong with him. So far I havn't found a single fault, save for he gets jealous easily. We've even told eachother that we're in love... Is this weird? God, I can't remember what it was like with my ex-husband. I can't remember the first time I told him I loved him or vice versa. We have so many things in common it's terrifying. We have the same interests, we have simply amazing sex. So what the fuck?! When and where is this going to go wrong? Because it always does... Eventually, something fucks up doesn't it? I havn't spoked to my ex in nearly 2 months, aparently he's disappeared off the face of the earth. Oh well, all the power to him... I'm still very bitter about him, sometimes it makes me smile when I think of him but most of the time I cry, angry bitter tears. People leave traces, visible or not... They leave traces, clothes they've worn, objects you've seen them hold or buy, familiar things you both spend time together with. Like, I find it hard sleeping in my bed some nights because it wasn't MY bed, it was OURS, we first made love in that bed, we were sick with the cold in that bed, we watched TV in that bed... Seems weird. Sometimes I can feel myself start to call William, Ross... God I hope it doesn't slip out one day.

Anyway, work is the same, they treat me like shit but I'm used to it. They don't like the fact that I'm dating William, he's an assistant manager and I'm a lowly cashier. But fuck them. We keep it professional... So what's it matter if we date outside of work? Conflict of interests, I know but I'd like to think that if William or I ever split up whilst working there together we'd be big enough to put our differences aside and continue working until something else came along. My debts are pretty much clearing themselves away, after three different credit bureaus on my ass, hounding me day after day and finally managing to track me down at work. Gah, they we're about to take me to court, I'd of had to file for bankrupcy at the tender age of 21. Gotta love life, eh boys and girls?

Ho hum... I'm sitting in my room with my big fluffy pink sweater on and listening to Tori Amos's remake of REM's - Losing My Religion. It's weeping time, I need to shake loose some pent up frustration and angst. I don't even get time to go on the computer anymore, not between work, William and home stuff. It makes me mad, when do I get my _ME_ time? I miss just taking off for the day, wandering around the little boutiques in town and bookstores. It's October now, the air is just right, clean, crisp and cold. Mmmm, I love autumn it's so vibrant, much like myself. *laughs*

I seriously have to get my own apartment again though, it's getting a little cramped here at my Moms. Lets see here, Mom, Step-Father, Brother, Sister, Grandfather, Aunt, 5 dogs, 2 Cats, 2 Birds, Turtle, Fish, Ferret and me. But it costs so much to live, I make less than a thousand a month, who the fuck can live off that and still manage to eat, watch TV, have a phone and heat? I'm sort of hoping all goes well with William and we can move in together but it's probably going to be a long while, what with his divorce and two young ones (Who I still havn't met). I'm going to watch my money over the next couple of weeks, no needless spending. Maybe I can save up a little nest egg? Who knows... The thought had occured to me to get a second job, but shit... Where would I fit it in? Between the full time job I have now, home life and my so-called social life? I'd probably go bonkers without that 10 minutes to myself during the day. Mmn, I should go out for a smoke and muck out the barn now before it gets to dark. William will probably call me later, if not come over to 'Talk' and I don't want to be stinking of shit when he gets here. And I just noticed the time on my computer is 2:03am when infact... It's 5:46pm! The oddities.

Give me somma that good good lovin'