Thursday, June 20, 2002

Tomorrow night I'm going out with friends again, to the bar then back to her house to watch the soccer game (maybe, still not a positive yet) But the point is, I'm sitting at my cash register musing to myself, thinking if there is anything I need for the night.
So I write my list:

Earrings, mascara, eyeliner, body glitter, lip gloss, condoms, nail varnish...

CONDOMS?! What the hell? How did -they- slip in there. Well, the fact of the matter is, I am single now.. Even though I'd much rather be happily married to the man I love. But that isn't happening, so I have to face the facts, I may get slightly intoxicated, I may meet a man, I may sleep with him. Either way, I need to be prepared, right? I've never done this sort of thing, so don't get the wrong ideas, my intention is to go out with my girlfriends and have a blast, but the truth is, I may infact meet a man that night and one thing leads to another and you're having sex in the backseat of his car. I've only ever had one lover, my husband... Perhaps now I'm relitivly single and I havn't had sex in three months I might just go for it. I won't do anything to stupid and I'll try my damndest NOT to sleep with someone while drunk... But there's the slight possibility.

Anyway, back to more interesting news. I e-mailed my ex back today... Asking for him to speak to me again, that I couldn't possibly go through my life without knowing how he was doing. I hope he accepts my apology for asking for my things back so soon... I mailed him pictures of our dog Molly too, she's a darling puppy still, how could he not want to see how she was doing?

Not to much to update today, my mom got some medicinal pot, she's got a form of MS and she started that when she was 32. I've watched her go from a beautiful siren to a sickly zombie over the past years. It wears on you after a while... She asks to die alot when she's in pain, sometimes I blow it off as attention seeking, other times I cry. I hope they find an answer soon, they want to fuse her spine together, which means she can't turn her neck or twist her body from side to side.

Gah. I hope I don't get anything like that.

Out for now.

Tuesday, June 18, 2002

Mmm, weird day. Havn't stopped thinking about my ex all day long since I got his nasty e-mail, I won't disclose what was so nasty about but basically I don't think that we're going to be parting on good terms....

I need to love him again, I need to kiss his lips, smell his skin, touch him... And them sometimes I don't need him atall, but he's always on my mind. And I have all the right in the world to be angry at him... And he has all the right to be angry with me. But I don't want to be angry anymore, I just want to keep the memory of him a good one. Like the last time I saw his lips form the words I love you, or when he kissed my forehead and told me it was going to all work out.

I miss him. I miss him alot, he'll always be my soul mate, the one who I'll always keep forever in my heart.

I love you still Ross, always remember that even if we never speak another word to eachother, just know that I love you.

In unrelated news:

I need some MAN advice! You men confuse the fuck out of me.

Some situations I've been through recently:
SCENE: Back room of work, two guys and me, shooting the shit.
Me: Yeah, my husband left me 2 and a half months ago, I've had my ups and downs, but other then that I just want to move on.
Guy1: You're dating someone right now, right?
Me: Weelll... No, not -really-.
Guy2: I had this huge fight with my girlfriend today... sooo...
Me: Icky.. uh...
*utter silence for a couple of minutes before we all just kind of file out*

SCENE: Opening the store at 8am, standing behind the cash watching employees roll in, one in particular that I am attracted to strolls by.
Me: Hey! You're smiling today! *huge grin from me*
Guy: I am -now- *huge smile*

Whaaaa? *boggles*

Sunday, June 16, 2002

Do you meet these requirements? if so, contact me.

Do you dig a soft cuddle infront of the television while we watch Buffy the Vampire slayer?
Will you put up with my clothes on the bathroom floor?
Will you put up with my fits of absolute stupidity?
Will you walk around the mall and rove around in every store with me?
Will you accept my strange hobbies such as comic books, video games, anime, fantasy, cyberpunk and everything to do with it?
Can you handle me sleeping with the TV on?
Can you handle me doing crosswords at 2am with the light on?
Are you going to be mad if I go down on you to wake you up an hour earlier than you would to get up for work?
Would you let me display all my girly things in the living room? Like teddy bears and poreceline dolls?
Do you want to have children?
Would you be willing to love me even if I didn't want to get married to you?
Can you put up with me blaring my music all day long while I prance around the house, cleaning?
Will you put up with me when I get depressed and want to simply cry for no reason?
Are you honestly up to the task of having sex twice a day even if you only have 5 minutes left on your lunchbreak?
Are you sexually curious? Would you be willing to try everything once?
Can you handle a girl who loves her computer and her internet friends just as much as she would friends geographically close to her?
Can you be spontanius? Like take a spur of the moment road trip across the country for 2 weeks.
Would you explore cultures and religions with me even if it only sparks my interest for a week?
Would you have the patience for tantric sex?
Can you handle a bi-sexual woman who digs porn as much as the next 'guy'?

Can you be my man?